Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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