I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
