I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
