I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You were trust falling into bushes
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
