Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
