I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
