i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
