You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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