Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
