woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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