I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
