Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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