the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
