the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Then you guys just all showered together...?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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