Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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