Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
