And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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