Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
