i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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