My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
