In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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