My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
