butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
