I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize