Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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