you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
