u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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