Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
