went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
