I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
