i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
