i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
how does that bad decision feel?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
