I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
