Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
