Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
