Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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