his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
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I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
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Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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