dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
