talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
