First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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