Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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