I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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