what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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