it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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