yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
