why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
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I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
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Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You ruined the universe
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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