They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
