You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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