How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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