He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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