he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus