You can't special order awesome
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
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Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You made out with two different species that night
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.