Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.