she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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