she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him