Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.