she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
