Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
