I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
