I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
