i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just pee around me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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