You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
