Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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