I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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