I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
