you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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