I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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