what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
