your thong is hanging out like whoa
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
