I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
