[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
